Just Hold Me

“I’m not strong. I’m tired of being told I’m strong. Just for once, I would like to be as weak as I feel.”  – Unknown

“Maybe home is just two arms, holding you tight when you’re at your worst.”  – Unknown

“The Lord is my strength and my shield.” – Psalm 28:7

I was leaving town. I had, in most parts of my life, given up. I no longer wanted to struggle through each day in this small city with nowhere to go but deeper into my despair and loneliness. I didn’t have any desire to work those twelve hour shifts to keep a roof over my young son’s head or food in his mouth, providing for his most basic needs but unable to give him my time. I was becoming more cynical and angry as each day passed. I was tired. And I didn’t like the “me” I was turning into.

So, I was running away from here to there. To the place where my mama lived, where the trees were green and water was abundant. I had a flight scheduled, house hunting planned, and a career opportunity all lined up.

And then, there he was.

A conversation, a smile, a quiet strength. An acknowledgement and acceptance of who I was as a whole, not just one aspect. A sense of humor that lifted my spirits and a persistence that told me, “You are worth it.”  An example of the Father who loves me more deeply than I will ever be able to realize.

 My husband is the perfect human for me. He’s the man I am meant to walk beside, through the good, bad and ugly in life. We have arguments, we have laughter, we have pain…and then healing. Life has thrown us a few curve balls in the journey we began together, not so very long ago in the grand scheme of our story, but he’s been my constant and we are learning to move as one. He’s my partner, he has my back.

With him, I am able to let my guard down and “give up” for a bit because I can trust him to keep our family on track while I breathe. I can have my moments of weakness without fear of losing it all, because he shows me the One who has control when the world is overwhelming. He is my example of the One who shields me in His love.

I can relax in his embrace, lay my head on his chest, listen to his heartbeat, and know that I am home.

Needless to say, I stayed where I was so I could get to know this amazing man. And I’m so glad I did.

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Oh, The Pumpkins!

I know, I know.

You’ve seen the memes, you’ve heard the stories, you’ve muddled through all the pictures of tiny humans next to pumpkins and hay bales and scarecrows…But you haven’t seen or heard from me about it yet!!

My dearly beloved husband is a big pumpkin spice latte fan. I know, I know – again!
You read that and gasped, thinking, ‘Not him! He’s so…manly!” It’s true, my wonderful husband has a weak spot for the same rich coffee drink that has the “white-girl-in-yoga-pants” stereotype attached to it. But we are all about confidently breaking stereotypes and thoroughly enjoying what we like around here!
He’s been giddy about the weather becoming cooler so he can drink them while wearing a comfortable hoodie and talking with his sweet, peppermint-mocha-drinking wife. Unfortunately, we live in a warmer climate and the cool-down is going a bit slower than in some places. But! That certainly hasn’t stopped him from enjoying the pumpkin-pie-in-a-cup. He just orders them cold!

We recently took our coffee-date on a road trip with the kiddos to a pumpkin patch, continuing a tradition that makes memories for years to come. And, naturally, there were some photos taken to document the memory-making. My phone’s camera stopped working, however, and saved y’all from a plethora of photos filled with pumpkins, latte’s, and adorable faces. (Thanks, I guess…)

One tiny human ran around the plot covered in pallets of orange gourds, put those deemed worthy onto his green wagon before rushing off to another pallet to attempt to pick up the biggest one he thought he could manage. (Yes, pallets of pumpkins on a plot of land. That’s how it’s done here, alright??)
And the tiniest human in our clan was busy knocking a little pumpkin off the shelf on which they both were sitting. Supervised, of course. Although, we were too impressed with his hand/eye coordination to worry about the other little guy getting multiple head injuries due to falls, and kept putting it back on the shelf next to Bubby…

Now that I think about it, our boys were probably trying to make some of that pumpkin pie filling for later. Hmmm.